And Why It Matters When You're Sorting Through a Loved One’s Home

When a loved one passes — or starts downsizing — there’s often a moment when you step into their home and just… freeze.

There’s stuff. Everywhere.
Boxes inside closets, duplicates of everything, years of purchases never opened, and bins labeled “misc” (lots of them).

The first thought people have is often:

“Oh no… she was a hoarder.”

But maybe — just maybe — that’s not the full story.

 What If It Was ADHD, Not Hoarding?

Clutter isn’t always about emotional attachment.
Sometimes, it’s about executive function — or more accurately, the lack of it.

ADHD affects the brain’s ability to start, organize, prioritize, and complete tasks. It’s not that someone wants to keep everything. It’s that they couldn’t consistently manage everything. And over time, clutter builds… not out of deep sentimental value, but out of overwhelm, avoidance, and exhaustion.

And here’s something most people don’t know:

Many Baby Boomer women — and even more so the generation before them (often called the Silent Generation) — lived their whole lives undiagnosed with ADHD. For years, they were labeled “scatterbrained,” “messy,” or “just not very organized.”

In some cases, it worsens with age, menopause, or after a major life shift like losing a spouse. The result? A home that looks chaotic but tells the story of someone who was likely doing their best with a brain wired a little differently.

ADHD Clutter vs. Hoarding: What’s the Difference?

What Executive Dysfunction Look Like (In Real Life)

If your loved one had ADHD or struggled with mental health, their clutter might’ve looked like:

• “I meant to go through that box, but I got distracted.”

• “I know I don’t need this, but deciding feels impossible.”

• “I meant to donate that, but… it’s been a year.”

• “Every time I try to start, I get overwhelmed and shut down.”

• “It’s too much. I’ll deal with it later.” (They never did.)

This is not laziness.
This is the kind of hidden mental labor that leads to cluttered estates that feel impossible to manage — especially if you live out of state.

When the Emotional Load Falls on You

I you’re reading this, you’re likely the adult child. Or the executor. Or the sibling that’s “good at handling stuff.” And now you’re expected to walk into this house full of decades of stuff and figure it out. From another state. While grieving.

Maybe you grew up in that clutter and swore you’d never live like that.
Maybe you tried to help your parent before, and it ended in a fight.
Maybe this whole process makes you feel sad, angry, confused — or all three.

This isn’t just a cleanout.
It’s emotional triage.

Many of these estates belong to the Silent Generation, who were raised to save, repurpose, and hold onto things “just in case.” Combined with untreated ADHD, grief, or executive dysfunction, it often left full homes behind — with Baby Boomer and Gen X children now left to manage it all from afar.

You Don’t Have to Do This Alone

Whether your loved one has passed or is preparing to downsize, navigating a cluttered or ADHD-affected home isn’t something you have to do alone — and frankly, you shouldn’t have to.

If you’re not in Arizona, here are a few places to start your search for local help:

• Look for organizers who specialize in neurodiversity or trauma-informed services (check directories like NAPO or ICD)

• Ask estate cleanout or senior move management companies if they have experience working in ADHD or hoarding-adjacent homes

• Contact local ADHD coaches or therapists — they often know organizers who “get it”

The right person won’t judge the mess. They’ll understand it — and know how to gently move it forward.

But if the home is in Arizona...